Archive for the ‘Single moms’ Category
It seems obvious that everyone sets that standard themselves. Being a great dad isn’t achieving one set of measures, or even ensuring that your child confirms you’re a great dad whenever prompted.
Being a great dad is an every day climb up the mountain, or a thousand-task test of parenting skills: patience, generosity, creativity, intelligence, wisdom. What works one day is a failure the next. Not all of us can stay at home with our kids, attend every concert and performance, or even make macaroni and cheese. Unlike moms, who seem to have more prescribed roles by society in this area, we blunder about trying to maintain our manhood, while aiming to be good and present parents. But, what does that entail? It’s not just making breakfast, but knowing how to make oatmeal like mommy makes it. It’s not picking them up at school, but being there five minutes early because you know a five-year old doesn’t want to be the last one picked up. It’s not just setting out the clothes to wear, but allowing your daughter to wear all pink. It’s not just buying the toy, but playing it over and over for hours because you can’t let the kid “just win.”
Today I failed at being a great dad to my daughter. It was the big Chinese New Year’s trip to Chinatown and she had her Chinese dress all set up to wear, but all her tights were in the laundry. I quickly volunteered to wash them and throw them in the dryer. Twenty minutes later with my carpool partner knocking at the door, the tights were still soaking wet and unwearable. Daughter, in tears, left the house, tights-less. The story has a happy ending only because I had the free time to continue drying the tights and race over to the school to beat the field trip departure and hand over the now-dry tights. Crisis averted, daddy restored to hero status. But how fragile that perch!
I’ll try in this blog to provide a forum for dads of different types and styles to relate their challenges and solutions. I’ll also give some advice on things to do, places to visit, and some things to have in your pocket, both literally and figuratively, as you try to be a great dad, whatever that means to you.
For more information about parental advice for single dads, please visit: http://www.greatdad.com
Paul Banas
http://www.articlesbase.com/men’s-issues-articles/howto-be-a-great-dad-99336.html
When I tell people that my husband and have a blended family of five kids, two boys and three girls, I hear the obvious chuckle and the usual comment that our life is like TV show. They are, of course, referring to The Brady Bunch, an idyllic, fantasy-like sitcom of yesteryear where aside from Marsha getting hit in the nose with a football and Jan developing an allergy to flea powder, life was pretty much tame (and lame if you ask my kids). I do agree that my life is like a TV show, but more along the lines of a modern day reality program, like Survivor. When I see a group of adults bickering over coconut milk dressed in skimpy outfits in front of a roaring fire in the tropics all I can think is, “Big deal, where’s the challenge?” Try taking five cranky, bored, dirty, exhausted kids on a camping trip, in tight quarters, in the rain for five days. Survive that! Better yet, see if you can pack five lunches every morning, cook dinner for seven every night, attend four different soccer games in one day, wash twenty loads of laundry a week and feign interest in your daughter’s story about the weird kid in her class who eats paper.
My life is far from ideal. My dogs smell, my house is never clean all at once and I forget to water my plants until they die and I have to throw them out. We manage. I have my priorities. At least I don’t forget to feed the kids. How could I? They’re always hanging over me begging for food. Then of course there’s the constant juggling of schedules of five children alternating among three separate households. Who left green bunny at Dad’s or their math textbook at Mom’s? It seems like something is always forgotten somewhere. Remembering where five kids have to be all the time is challenge worthy of an NFL offense coordinator. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gritted my teeth at one of my children to “get your cleats on, get in the car, we’re going to be late for soccer!” only to discover I’ve driven to the wrong field and forgotten it was my turn to bring snack. Oh, how I wish my life were like Carol Brady’s. I’d have time to read, and sleep, and eat without interruption. I’D HAVE A MAID. My husband and I would never fight and I could go the bathroom alone. I try to take comfort in the thought that at least I have better hair and I’m not walking around in double knit plaid pantsuits.
Truthfully, I love my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. When my first marriage ended in divorce and I reentered the single scene at age 40 I truly thought my days of coupledom were over. With two kids under the age of 9, and struggling to support myself as a single mom, not only did I not have the time for dating, I didn’t have the confidence either. I worried that my children would not accept a new man in my life or worse, that a new man wouldn’t accept them either. Childless men I dated were impatient with or lacked the understanding of the demands and challenges of having children. On the other hand, men with families were in the same predicament I was–no time and no energy. Even though I considered my kids my greatest asset, I was soon confronted with the harsh reality that not all of my dating prospects thought so. Refusing to believe that my children were a liability, or “baggage” as one man put it, I gave up on dating, retreated into myself and worried that I would spend the rest of my life alone. Then I met and fell in love with Paul, a loving father of three and we decided to marry and blend our family of five kids, four cats, three dogs, two fish and a bird. As a newly remarried mother of two and stepmother of three, I’ve decided to start this blog because I feel I have a message of hope and guidance to share with parents and children who are already in or who are thinking about entering into blended families.
When word spread that my husband and I were engaged, people I barely knew, mostly acquaintances from my kids’ schools, would approach me at soccer games or in the grocery store and flood me with questions. “How did you meet him? Does he have kids? How do they all get along? What are the custody arrangements?” The more I answered their questions, the more specific they became. “How do you get them all to school on time? How do you split the holidays? Do you really cook dinner for seven people every night and pack five lunches every morning?” (Yes, I do. Every other week. See my RECIPES FOR FAMILY DINNERS page to learn tips and menu ideas.)
I quickly came to realize that not only did they want advice, they wanted inspiration and assurance that it was possible for them to remarry and blend their families too. One dear friend of mine, once a single mom and recently remarried into a blended family told me, “You are my beacon of hope.” If that is the case, then I will try to shine as bright as I can, and most importantly, tell is like it is. The same friend also told me she admired my honestly. I try to keep it real. I’m ecstatically happy now, but when life stinks, and often times it can, I’ll make sure to let you know. We all have challenges and no one’s life is a bed of roses. Please read and write comments so we can laugh and cry together, gnash our teeth, wring our hands, share our joys and triumphs, and most importantly learn from each other.
We are the Shwanda’s , which is not our real name. It is a combination of our two last names that our kids came up with one day when they were playing a computer game called Sims. The object of the game is to design and build a house and create a family to live happily in it, which is exactly what we did. This is our story.
Note: I know many people who read this blog already know me. With regard to the general public, in the interest of protecting my family’s privacy, I have changed their names. I will refer to my husband as Paul, his oldest son, 17 as Sam, the younger boy, 15 as Mark, and his daughter, 11 as Cheryl. My oldest daughter, 15 will be called, Sophia and my youngest daughter, 12 as Eva. As for me, just call me Carol. This should be very interesting since I can’t remember their names now.
To read my blog go to: www.shwanda.com
Carol Shwanda
http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/how-one-couple-took-a-second-chance-on-love-and-blended-five-kids-four-cats-three-dogs-two-fish-and-a-bird-722540.html
The struggle to manage the finance is a very important factor to consider as a single parent. Getting a proper job to support both the parent and the child can solve this. Finding a job in the immediate vicinity would help a lot as enough attention can be given to the child.
There may be many effects of single parenting on the parent. It is extremely tough and also a challenging task. Many of these parents suffer from the negative effects caused.
There are a lot of articles like this and many websites and also magazines. All you have to do is take some time and search. For articles that are more precise and that will provide you with exactly what you want you could look for them in the libraries. By reading these articles and books one can develop a good ideas how to handle a situation and these articles will behave as a guide and help you out to make your parenting life a little easier.
As the number of marriage break ups, death of a partner or even teenage pregnancies have increased these articles have become very popular and are being publicized widely. There have been many demands over the last few years on self-help tips on how to raise a child being a single parent.
These articles mainly focus on Single moms and dads who have lost their spouse because of an unfortunate death and have to raise their child all by themselves. These articles would help them to handle grief and to continue their life without a partner.
In order to reduce all the bad effects the Single parents must talk and express well with their children. they should communicate well and allow their children to express the problems that they are facing. Its upto the parents to let their children know that no matter what happens they will be always loved.
The most important thing is the parents should give their child a secure feling, a healthy environment and lots of love. This is important because it helps the children to be in a better psycological position. This will help them a lot and they will feel very secure. This will help in their growth both physically and psycologically.
Some children who are being raised in a bad environment or the children who are the product of teenage pregnancies are liable to be very sensitive than children raised in a normal environment, as they seem to be a usual topic at school or with their friends. This puts in a very uncomfortable position. These children must be helped to cope up and these articles will help a parent to do that.
Some articles are very confusing and are of not much help, such articles must be totally disregarded. As these are articles written by humans they are liable to errors and need not be perfect. But most of the authors use their experience as a single parent and write the articles. And sometimes they are not so informative.
Articles like those on single parenting are of great help for parents who are single to guide their child to a better future and to help them become better citizens.
The most important thing children need is security, loving and a very healthy environment for a proper physical as well as psychological growth. If these conditions are satisfied the children will grow up to be fine men even if a single parent has brought them up. Its always up to the parent how their children shape up to be in the future.
Abhishek Agarwal
http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/home-buying-programs-for-single-parents-their-benefits-740377.html
I’ve been reading some posts and I think its great when a single mom can take care of her kid(s) by herself – I think its an awful situation to be put in but I really commend the women (and the men) that do it. but i wonder how? how can a single, let’s say 17year old take care of a child all by herself? full time job, daycare, apartment, bills.. It’s tough enough with a partner. I keep seeing posts where women say they’ve done it all by themselves but I can’t imagine how. just curious.
I work really hard in order to support myself and my son. His father had only seen him 4 times (day he was born, 1 visit to home, appointment, christmas) and makes no effort to see how he is doing or help financially (my Child support hearing is next week) I’m also a full time college student. The biggest help I have is my mom and her husband, I’d be lost without them. Thanks to them I don’t have to worry about daycare while I’m at work or school. It’s really hard, I have to worry about his needs first, there have been times where I couldnt afford to buy myself food because he needed diapers and I either go eat at my moms, borrowed money or just not eaten. I don’t regret a minute of my life without my baby boy. He is the only reason I work so hard and study my butt off. He is all the motivation in the world that i need in order to pull through and get ahead.
While it’s probably hard on single fathers because we are not naturally maternal, I’m sure it takes a lot more courage and willpower (and sacrifices) for a mother to play the role of both mom and dad to her child.
Your thought on this?
It’s definitely a double standard in our culture. We tend to look at fatherhood as voluntary. Our culture still defines a good father as a good provider. If he can give his kids financial support, then he’s met the minimum requirement for fatherhood, and no one really expects more. If he chooses to give more than financial support, we praise him.
Motherhood, on the other hand, is not seen as voluntary. A mother is not given a choice of how much emotional and personal involvement she wants to have with her kids. She is expected to be there for them, love them, and do the hands on care 24/7. If she doesn’t sacrifice everything for her kids, she is criticized for not being a good enough mother.
As for who has it harder, I think single mothers do, but not for the reasons other people mentioned. It’s the money. Single mothers’ incomes continue to lag behind single fathers’ incomes, and the gap has increased over time. Households headed by an unmarried woman are at a huge disadvantage financially. The stress of low income, combined with the expectation that a mom has to be everything to her children, can make her life very difficult.