Okay I can’t take the yelling and the screaming any more I am done emotional and physically. My husband can not control his anger, he is so mean and hurtful to me and the kids, it is a second marriage for both of us, him because of divorce and me because my first husband died in an accident. I thought love could conquer all but seems I was wrong. Any how he has in the past attended a dads group, had anger management, counselling, been involved with children’s aid etc.
He goes along for a bit and does not to bad, so I sing his praising hoping that he will keep it up. But every time it goes right back to where it started in the beginning, I kept giving him chance after chance after chance, how stupid is that? Any how last night I told him that I could not take it any more I am tried, I can not do it. He has the choice to get help or to get out, and personally I was hoping he would get out. However he did not and will not give me an answer. I want to know if he is hanging around because it looks better in a separation if I kick him out and if so how does it affect me legally? I can not stand by and put the kids or myself through this crap any more, but I also have to be able to make an informed decision about what to do. Do I have a leg to stand on? Does emotional abuse mean anything in a court of law? I am actually beginning to wonder if he is mental, last night he accused me of calling the police and they sat outside the house all night, I ask him where they where parked and he told me just beyond the bushes, beleive me there was nothing there. He also handed me the phone and said keep it close at hand cause he thought I was scared for my well being. I think the man has lost it. Anyhow any one with any information would help. Because these laws are different every where you should know I live in Ontario. Thanks for any input, I think 6 years of hell is long enough!!!!
In Canada the law regarding divorce is very clear. In the case of adultery you can file for divorce immediately. In cases such as yours you must remain separated for a period of not less than one year. After which time you may file for divorce provided you have fulfilled the criteria ( lived apart for one year). The "respondent" your husband, will have 30 days to contest the divorce terms if he so chooses. A divorce is almost always granted without having to appear in court if not contested . This comes under what is called irreconcilable differences. If your husband does contest the divorce then you will have to go to court unless both of you can agree on the terms of the divorce, re: splitting of the assets, child custody, amount of child support etc. before the court date.
Bear in mind that after you separate you MUST live apart and not move in together again and move out again during the one year for the Separation agreement to be valid. If you do, then the separation period starts over again.
I doubt that you can get a restraining order against your husband while you are both living in the same residence. If that were the case then the police would in effect be kicking the husband out of his own home and I do not believe they have the legal authority to do so. However, I am not a lawyer so it is best that you ask the police if they can do this. Once you or your husband have moved out then you can obtain a restraining order to keep him away.
A written separation agreement will define the terms of the separation. It will detail who the children will live with and on what terms while you both remain separated. It will detail how much money your husband will be required to pay for Child support.
You asked if emotional abuse means anything in court. Yes, it does. It will be very significant when it comes to custody of the children. It is preferable that you and your husband work out visitation rights on your own but if you can’t the court will do so and both of you will be bound by it. In Canada, custody of the children generally falls in favor of the mother.
Good luck, you are in a difficult situation and it would be wise for one or the other to leave.
Yes emotional abuse is a very real thing. It should hold up in court. Why wait for a response from this guy??? Just throw his ass out for your sake and the sake of your children. I’m sure they have had enough too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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There is a book you should read, it is called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. It is all about understanding how to handle these people, what to say, what not to say, how to understand the situation well enough to get out safely.
This will answer a lot of your questions. It has so much good information about the situation you are in now.
He may have got everything else wrong but he got one thing right, you are in fear of your well-being. I can hear the panic in your tone.
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https://www.gavindebecker.com/books-gof.cfm
Something other that 6 years has to have happened for you to have had enough. Always in a divorce it is better to work things out with the spouse. Otherwise the lawyers get all the loot.
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yes, 6 yrs of hell is definitely enough. you can’t put the kids through that anymore, or yourself for that matter. you and the kids will get through this no matter what,,,,but the first thing you need to concentrate on is just getting out or making him get out, then everything else will fall into place. the kids will be fine. they are very resiliant. good luck and best wishes.
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Don,t be confused. Wait for a good time. Keep patience.
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I’m not the one to be giving marriage advice I just posted my own question but I have been beat up on and am suffering emotional abuse myself.I can say I used to date a guy like your husband and you do need to get your kids to a safe place before he hits them.My Mom grew up in a family like that and has alot of emotional baggage because of it.It’s one thing to put up with it yourself but to involve children into seeing this is something else.My husband and I just don’t talk period but I wouldn’t have to consider too long if someone were detrimental to the way I want to raise my kids.They have no-one to protect them but you.good luck.Let’s both get rid of our husbands and you can move in here to help me make the house payment.not gay,just poor.
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Now I know why his daughter is rebelling. I don’t have any legal advice, however, I would talk to a lawyer. You may be able to get a restraining order against him which would require him to move out particularly if the kids are supporting you. You could then get legally separated. If you get the restraining order it will help your position in divorce court and you may get full custody of the kids. They (the kids) are lucky to have you right now and evidently in the past too. Also, the lawyer will advise you as to how to protect yourself and family. It does sound to me that you have a potential safety problem, particularly if he is delusional. With respect to the police; you should call them and document that they did not have a car stationed outside of your house. Tell them what’s going on and ask them to document the call for the record. Get a copy and give it to your lawyer. Yes, 6 years is too long. Break away and take the kids and the house from him.
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In Canada the law regarding divorce is very clear. In the case of adultery you can file for divorce immediately. In cases such as yours you must remain separated for a period of not less than one year. After which time you may file for divorce provided you have fulfilled the criteria ( lived apart for one year). The "respondent" your husband, will have 30 days to contest the divorce terms if he so chooses. A divorce is almost always granted without having to appear in court if not contested . This comes under what is called irreconcilable differences. If your husband does contest the divorce then you will have to go to court unless both of you can agree on the terms of the divorce, re: splitting of the assets, child custody, amount of child support etc. before the court date.
Bear in mind that after you separate you MUST live apart and not move in together again and move out again during the one year for the separation agreement to be valid. If you do, then the separation period starts over again.
I doubt that you can get a restraining order against your husband while you are both living in the same residence. If that were the case then the police would in effect be kicking the husband out of his own home and I do not believe they have the legal authority to do so. However, I am not a lawyer so it is best that you ask the police if they can do this. Once you or your husband have moved out then you can obtain a restraining order to keep him away.
A written separation agreement will define the terms of the separation. It will detail who the children will live with and on what terms while you both remain separated. It will detail how much money your husband will be required to pay for child support.
You asked if emotional abuse means anything in court. Yes, it does. It will be very significant when it comes to custody of the children. It is preferable that you and your husband work out visitation rights on your own but if you can’t the court will do so and both of you will be bound by it. In Canada, custody of the children generally falls in favor of the mother.
Good luck, you are in a difficult situation and it would be wise for one or the other to leave.
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uh get out
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